Boys have been told to man up for far too long and the cost can be fatal

 

Suicide is the single biggest killer of men under the age of 45 in the UK. This has led to numerous campaigns launched over the years attempting to prevent male suicide by changing the attitudes surrounding mental health. CALM, the Campaign Against Living Miserably, announced that calls to its helpline have risen 292% since 2013, highlighting a growing awareness around the issue. But is the problem deep rooted in the toxic gender roles taught to boys from a young age? As the stereotype of what it means to be masculine is evidently fuelling an epidemic of silence and stigma surrounding male mental health.

 

Boys are constantly encouraged to act more like a man, shamed for showing emotions by being told to man up and to not cry like a little girl. But are these ideas of who a man should be damaging the minds of young boys and men? These masculine stereotypes need to be challenged in order to help males of all ages express their emotions and reach out for help. Mintel, a market research company, reported that almost a quarter of men wouldn’t know where to go should they need help with their mental health and 26% said that feelings of embarrassment would prevent them from seeking help in the first place –– statistics that urgently need eliminating.

 

Lauren Mittell, a primary school teacher and gender equality advocate, said, “The impact of gender stereotypes placed on boys from the day they are born are incredibly damaging and can take years to unpack. I work with nine to 10-year- olds and by the time they reach an age where they can start to think critically about these restrictions and binaries themselves, they are already so deeply embedded in their thinking, behaviours and understanding of the world.”

The Time to Change study run by Mind and Rethink Mental Illness was conducted in order to highlight the importance of role models for boys and young men to challenge toxic masculinity and live healthier. The study found that 49% of teenage boys in the UK would not feel comfortable talking to their Dads about their own mental health, with more than a third saying that this was because their Dad doesn’t talk about his own feelings.

 

“These boys, when given the space and time, talk openly about body image, the expectation to perform in sports, gender roles within families and their freedom to express their emotions,” said Mittell. “These boys are crying out for these spaces and very little is being done to ensure they are encouraged to see girls as their equals and the freedom to explore their full range of emotions. When they are not given this space or regularly hear three of the most dangerous phrases in the English language –– ‘man up’, ‘boys will be boys’ and ‘boys don’t cry’ –– they grow up in a culture that robs them of the opportunity to be the best they can be.”

 

From films to adverts, and books to music videos, men are always portrayed as the masculine stereotype that boys think they are supposed to live up to. The strong and unbreakable man that is good at everything from sports to school work. The Time to Change study found that out of the 16 to 18-year-old boys questioned, 37% chose to put on a brave face when struggling with their mental health rather than reaching out for help. In reality, these idealistic traits of who society thinks men should be is extremely damaging to males of all ages who feel like they have to suffer in silence.

 

Aaron Paul, a 21-year-old journalist and education studies graduate, said, “Boys are expected to fit a certain mould, expected to love sports, be tough and actually a tad violent. As a gay man, I was aware from a young age that I did not fit the stereotype of what a boy should be.” In Paul’s late teens he suffered from depression and an eating disorder, which he believes stemmed from his childhood fears of not fitting in with the stereotypical boy. With statistics showing that 40% of LGBTQ+ people have been diagnosed with a mental health illness, compared to 25% of the wider population in the UK, it highlights the detrimental impact gender stereotypes can have on children, teens and adults. Paul said, “I believe one of the reasons I became ill and so many people in the community become ill, is because we do not meet the stereotype criteria. Our interests often blur the lines between what is stereotypically feminine and what is stereotypically masculine. The stereotypes we are susceptible to as children do not allow for it.”

 

There have been many advertising campaigns from brands in recent years all released with an aim of demolishing the stigma and taboos surrounding male mental health. Last year, Ford released an advert of two men sitting in a transit truck with an elephant between them, symbolising the burden that men with mental health illnesses can carry every day. Worried about his colleague, the driver pulled over and asked if he was ok and when he started talking about his problems the elephant vanished. The men’s grooming subscription service, Harry’s, sponsored Project 84. The art instillation was revealed last August and featured 84 life-size statues of men standing on top of the ITV buildings in Southbank, London. The statues represented the 84 men who on average take their lives every week in the UK.

 

Cat Wildman is the founder of the Gender Equality Charter, an initiative put together with a mission of removing stereotypes in UK homes, schools and businesses in order to work towards gender equality. Wildman founded the charter after having children of her own made her realise that she couldn’t sit back any longer knowing that the cycle of gender stereotyping would continue to impact them greatly. “It starts before kids are even born. Worse than that, most people still see it as harmless despite the fact that the three times higher suicide rate in males has been tied directly back to gender imbalance year after year by The Samaritans.”

 

The Gender Equality Charter aims to identify and destroy the gender stereotypes placed on both boys and girls from a young age. They aim to achieve this by teaching children that they are equals rather than forcing societies expectations on them based on the gender they were born. “The most important thing anyone can do to fight this fight with us, is to make a point to begin to notice what is going on,” said Wildman. “The brute is not the hero. The hero is the guy who cried when his mum got sick, who stood for something he believed in, who helped the guy who was being bullied instead of joining in.”

 

The Time to Change study found that boys would talk about their feelings when they were encouraged to do so and would open up having seen their friends and role models doing the same too. A staggering 70% of sons felt completely comfortable talking about their mental health when it was encouraged by their father to do so, showing that challenging the toxic masculine stereotype will help break the silence around male mental health.

 

Wildman suggests that one of the most important things you can do to help is to model the correct behaviour, “Show them your vulnerabilities and don’t filter them, let them know that being vulnerable is ok. Be there for them every day and never stop checking that they are ok. One day you will crack that closed clam and you might just save a life in doing so.”

 

If you or anyone you know would like to speak to someone about mental health or suicidal thoughts, below are a list of resources that can help.

 

The Samaritans are open 24 hours a day and offer confidential support. Call 116 123 or email jo@samaritans.org

 

The Campaign Against Living Miserably (Calm) is a helpline for men aged 15 to 35. Call 0800 58 58 58

 

The Anxiety UK is a charity supporting those who have been diagnosed with an anxiety condition. Call 03444 775 774

 

Papyrus is a young suicide prevent society. Call 0800 068 4141